Read part one of Sara’s Journey here.
Months went by and I soon started recognizing patterns and behaviours that had been all too familiar from my childhood and teenage years, patterns and behaviours that were now translating into my life and on to my kids. I was angry, drinking way too much, fighting with my partner constantly and blaming him for everything. I would go into black out rages, throwing things, breaking anything and everything I could get my hands on, always with the intention of harming him.
I had become physical with him more than once. I never put my kids in danger but often thought about leaving everyone behind. I didn’t want to be a mom or a partner anymore, I wanted to detach myself believing they would be better off without me.
I wanted to abandon everyone just as I had been abandoned throughout my entire life. One day I decided that these feelings and thoughts were just not something that I was willing to allow into my life anymore. Deep down inside I did want my family together, I took great pride in the fact that I had a family and a home of my own. Looking back, I’m not sure if it was pride or wanting to prove my family wrong and show them that I was deserving of family and love, something that I never received from them.
Back to fitness to heal…
Since I was not willing to take medication and go down that path I started to remember how good I felt when I was in shape and taking care of myself so I turned back to my fitness journey. To me, fitness is not solely about the physical transformation; fitness is all encompassing of the mind, body and soul.
I found my own way through a lot of trauma, I came out of the darkest experiences and I did it all through my fitness journey. Fitness saved me in so many ways. It allowed me to grow into the spaces of happiness and move through fear more confidently so that I could empower myself to achieve my goals, regardless of my past anchors.
The moment I decided to own my past, connect with my emotions, and recognize toxic patterns that were leading my life was the moment I knew that fitness was my path. It allowed me to grow my awareness into the person I deserved and wanted to be. It’s ironic that we workout to become ‘stronger’ physically but we don’t seem to recognize how much stronger we become mentally. And I am recognizing how great of an impact that is having on my present and future.
I have learned and continue to educate myself on what our bodies and minds are capable of. There are too many of us that fall victim to not reaching our full potential. We don’t realize half of what we are capable of and I believe that everyone deserves the chance to live their best selves.
Why I coach…
I am stepping into the role of coach because I want to help people live up to their full potential, as I had to teach myself. The most important tools we can instill in others are the ones we have experienced and grown from.
It is time to recognize our emotions and feelings, to understand how they connect with the way we think and behave. We need to get honest about the stories we create about our struggles and determine what’s truth or self-protection and what needs to change in order to live more wholehearted lives. My greatest passion as a coach is to give people the confidence to know that it is never too late to recreate your story, to write a new ending – a new, more brave story to change how we engage with the world and transform the way we live, love, parent and lead.
This is my story and I look forward to helping others recreate their story!
Sara is a strength and performance coach who works out of Cornell Performance Academy in Hamilton, Ontario, Canada.